In a month or two I am due to have a birthday. It is one of those Landmark ones. In other words if I wanted to have lighted candles on the cake I would need to notify and book the Fire Service in advance. Thankfully that won’t happen. How do I know? Well I have informed Elly that I do not want a party and if she tries to surprise me with one, I will turn on my heel and run like the clappers!

I am saved by the bell. Here in the U.K. new anti-age discrimination legislation came into force at the end of 2006. So it will be an offence for anyone to mention or make reference to my advancing years. But I still have the problem of ‘every picture telling its story’. Now that the Avon ‘face lift’ cream advert has been banned I will really have to depend on Grandad for his sand-blasting.

Elly did come up with a solution for me after a visit to her ‘French Mother’ a couple of years ago. They had decided that all the sagging and lines were caused by gravity. “Walk around on your hands for two or three hours a day, and Bob’s your Uncle!” she said. Now I am not sure about having Bob for my uncle, never mind walking around on my hands looking at and being in close proximity to sweaty feet.

But wait a minute! I think I have found the answer. I will stroll around with a great big dirty grim on my face and passers by will be so busy wondering what I have been up to, they will not notice the effects of age!

And before you ask, I have no intention of telling anyone what I get up to!!