Granny, when you are coming up to stay with me I would like you to pay particular heed to your mode of dress. My neighbours are rather genteel and since most of them are in their nineties you might say they were a little conservative.

Despite what you may have seen on the streets where you live, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided at all costs:

1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. A pierced tongue and dentures

3. Miniskirts and support hose

4. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

5. Speedo’s and cellulite

6. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

7. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

8. Bikinis and liver spots

9. Short shorts and varicose veins

10. Roller Blades and a walker