Monthly Archives: April 2007

My Poor Chickens!

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Today is not a good day in ‘Lover’s Leap’. In fact it has not proved to be a good week at all. Last Friday my Elly returned from a working week in Israel. She phoned me from Dublin Airport as she waited for her baggage to come through. She always checks in like this a) to see if it is time to claim her inheritance or b) to let me know she has landed safely. We talked until I heard the baggage carousel start up and I let her go to concentrate on that. A little while later I had a text from her to say the case had not come home.

Saturday she was involved at Barcamp Dublin, another long and busy day. The suitcase was delivered on Sunday mid morning so all seemed well.

Monday and Tuesday were spent playing catch up at work while sorting her paperwork for the Visa, and vaccinations required for the next trip in May, which is to Vietnam with a stop off for two weeks on the way in Arizona. Taking the westward route she should come right round the world, passing the date line for the first time and cover 20,800 miles of flying.

Her visit to the Post Office was slow and tedious but the Passport and paperwork were eventually sent on their merry way to London for the Visa Stamp. She returned to her car to discover a parking ticket on the wind-shield.

Wednesday dawned and the effects of the Vaccinations hit home and she was suffering from a sore arm and rear end! At lunch time a young man decided to be friendly with my Sin-in-Law, far too friendly! He ‘rear ended him’; I think that is the term. The car is a mess I believe. ‘S-i-L’ thought he was un-damaged so did not take my advice and go to his doctor.

This morning ‘S-i-L’ had a very sore neck and Elly’s rear end was swollen, sore and not allowing her to sit down. They both headed to see the doctor and were given medication and told to take it easy today and not to try working.

While I spoke to Elly on the phone this morning she was pacing up and down, ‘S-i-L’ put out his hand to touch her as she passed – to give her a sign of comfort. His hand was about 2” from her bottom when she gave him a ‘Moses’ look, like the look Moses used to part the Red Sea. When Elly does that you BACK OFF!

Tonight they are a little better and the wedding is going ahead!

Get well soon, I love you both!

So who was it then?

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The clatter of my letterbox is a sound that always pleased me. Today was no different. Yes, the postman had come early and left an A5 sized envelope. Emails are instant but it is still nice to get some letters. The sound of them dropping onto the floor tells me I am still alive.

The lone item today was my Phone/Broadband bill. Old habits die hard and I always go through the bill with a fine tooth comb. Sometimes in the past it was a reminder that it was time to phone a particular person again. With the modern day options that have the free evening and weekend calls, the numbers in ‘free-time’ do not show up.

The bill this morning had a surprise for me. Second item on the list of calls was: 20th January at 13.46 Somalia, followed by a number.

Yes, I did say Somalia.

I don’t know anyone in Somalia. To my shame I can just about tell it is in Africa, but I am not sure whether it is north, south, east or west. Google maps here I come….

I have never phoned anyone in Somalia in my life and since I live alone who did? I know it was not Elly or my Sin-in-Law as they were at Barcamp South East that day. I know they were there because Elly was giving one of the talks.

There was only one solution for it, so I phoned BT. I followed option 1, followed by 4 and 5. I nice English speaking girl asked how she could help. I told her my trouble and she wondered if I had misdialled. I assured her that that was not the case. She was still sceptical and said she would check back over the past two bills. No sign of Somalia there she said. I knew that, so reluctantly she said she would have it deleted from the bill.

What I still want to know is who used my phone to call Somalia?

Was it you? Go on own up!

Gardening

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My back is broken!

I have spent the morning slaving away in the garden. Cutting grass and pulling weeds. Exhausted I sat to have a coffee and to daydream….

I have solved my gardening problem and want to share it with you

http://www.procreo.jp/labo/flower_garden.swf

When you click on the link you will get a black page.

Click your mouse anywhere on the black page & see what happens!

Better yet, click & drag your mouse forward and backwards over the black page…

If only gardening was this easy…..

And what is your line of work?

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I know that I have made mention over time to death, dying and the way to leave this earthly existence.

Now I want to make it clear I am not obsessed with my mortal decline. Despite the aches and pains of normal aging, I am in fact a very positive person and look forward to many, many more years of fun and laughter.

Today’s batch of emails brought this gem and I thought I would share it with you:

A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, “I’m sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral….. I’m a gynaecologist.”

That’s when the proctologist fainted.

Travel

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Now Grandad has the crazy idea of climbing up Everest. Little does he know how long an expedition like that will take, there are the months of preparation and then all that sitting around waiting for the clouds to clear…

Granny certainly needs the break so the longer it takes the more rest she will get.

Now I have an idea…

She and I might take a trip in the other direction well out of harms way.

We will go to Canada. It is a great big place with plenty of wide open spaces. There are plenty of Mountains and ‘Mounties’ to explore…

We might take that train journey from one coast to the other. When we have had enough of the scenery we might meet up with ‘The Raging Grannies’. They have branches all over the place. In fact we might learn some of their songs and start up our own branch in Ireland when we get back.

A Famous Artist

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Van Gogh came from quite a large family, but we never hear anything about his relations. Someone may ask you about the others sometime, so this may help you.

His dizzy aunt—————————-Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes——–Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at Tesco Metro———Stop n Gogh

The cousin from Illinois—————–Chi-ca Gogh

His magician uncle—————–Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin——- ————A Mee Gogh

The nephew who drove a stage coach————–Wells-far Gogh

The constipated uncle—————– Can’t Gogh

The ballroom dancing aunt————— Tang Gogh

The bird lover uncle——————–Fla-min Gogh

His nephew psychoanalyst—————- E Gogh

The fruit loving cousin——————Man Gogh

An aunt who taught positive thinking————— Way-to Gogh

The little bouncy nephew——————- Poe Gogh

A sister who loved disco———————-Go Gogh

So there ya Gogh

You Just Have To Love Little Old Ladies

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A biker from Ballydehob went to the local garage to have his bike fixed. They couldn’t do it while he waited, so he said he didn’t live far away and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at a hardware shop and bought a bucket and an anvil. Next he went to see a livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, struggling back onto the street he now had a problem: how to carry all his purchases home. While he is scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.

She asked, “Can you tell me how to get to Ballydehob Post office?”

The biker said, “Well, as a matter of fact, I live right beside it. I would walk you home, but I can’t carry all this.”

The old lady suggested, “Why don’t you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?” Why thank you very much,” he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says, “Let’s take my short cut and go down this alley. We’ll be there in no time.”

The little old lady looked him over cautiously and then said, “I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won’t hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?”

The biker said, “Holy smokes lady! I am carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?”

The lady replied, “Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket, and I’ll hold the chickens.”

Aghhhhh!

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Over the past few days several of my blogging pals have let off steam about things that were annoying them.

Now it is my turn.

This morning I needed to purchase something (light) so I decided to walk up the town. For various health reasons this walk is not always possible or indeed a good idea. In these parts we say ‘Up the town’ when in fact it is a mile downhill to the centre of our so called shopping area from where I live. The mile uphill on the return journey is rather taxing for me nowadays. I managed my outward journey quite well, but walking along the main street I was almost pushed under a bus! It was only a single-decker so maybe if it had hit me the damage may not have been so bad!!!

So how did it happen? There were shoppers about and I was aware of a young lady approaching with a baby in a pushchair. Being polite, and one of the old school, l I moved to the outside of the pavement to give her room. She paid no attention to me and barged on past. From the side of the pushchair (closest to me), 2 enormous packets of disposable nappies were protruding. The packages hit me as she passed with enough force to knock me off balance. I ended up in the road. She must have noticed or felt the bump!

As I struggled up the hill with more aches & pains than I had on the way down I pondered on the subject of ‘Babies’ & their transport. My gripe is the fact that a) she paid no heed to other pedestrians and b) that the pushchair/buggy/ stroller or whatever you want to call it was the size of an SUV! Maybe if I had to push a tank like that about I would become aggressive.

This evening I browsed the web and was horrified to discover that one of these gigantic pushchairs might cost £300-£400. The weight of a pushchair is approximately 13kg, that’s without the baby! The assembled size is about L130 x W58 x H106cm.

I then read several reviews about these means of transport and the consensus was that they were very heavy when folded and quite cumbersome when trying to lift into the boot of a car or onto a bus. You also need a fairly large area to store them as they takes up a fair amount of room! The sunshade was useless as it didn’t shade the baby from the sun at all. Finally whilst it is lovely having pneumatic tyres, it is very frustrating when you got a puncture. One lady reported having had three!

Now don’t get me started on disposable nappies……

Pins

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This morning I read a post by Primal Sneeze about codes, passwords and pin numbers. I well know his frustration. All this learning numbers and eating the paper they are written on has given me an ulcer never mind indigestion!

I have decided against all the advice I have received over the years to share my pins with the whole world!

Please use them with care.