Monthly Archives: May 2007

Thank you for informing us….

Noon today and I am beginning to think of what to make for lunch.On the way to the kitchen I hear a familiar clatter in the hall. Ah! The postman, now I wonder what delights he has brought me today.

This one I want to share with you.

I have not had a television for the past 8 years. The Licensing people KNOW that because they pestered me with letters a number of years ago. Eventually a representative called and since he recognised me as I did him, he agreed that I was telling the truth.

He actually declined my invitation to come into and inspect my home for a television.

About two years ago more letters arrived and at that point I filed them in the shredding machine.

So here we go again…

I find the letter very amusing for several reasons.

  1. The first line is a lie – I have not been in touch with them recently.
  2. we find that 50% of people do need a licence” – which 50%, top or bottom half? 😉
  3. They check in case I have moved – If I had moved I would not be reading this letter.

Have I moved?Am I still Grannymar?

Do they still make black & white televisions?

Service with a Smile…

My brother who lives in Dublin, phoned me a short while ago.He was back from his morning routine walk and purchasing a newspaper at the local petrol station shop.

A foreign visitor was ahead of him in the queue and on reaching the desk he asked for €5 worth of gas…..

The guy at the till smiled, farted and gave him a receipt.

Ouch!

I have a habit of talking of how ‘we mothers’ never cut that cord. No matter how many miles Elly is away from me our metaphorical umbilical cord is still attached.

Having read an article in The Guardian this morning I am beginning to wonder if I should do something about it!!!!

But then in the not to distant future perhaps….

Women who Read

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat.

He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am.

What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, Isn’t that obvious?)

“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. “I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the game warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It’s likely she can also think.

A Letter from America

Hello from America,

Well, our television and newspapers are full of the news re the “NEW DAY DAWNING IN NORTHERN IRELAND“. That was the headline in the Philadelphia Inquirer this morning. The article continued with “The bombastic Protestant evangelist, Ian Paisley, has formed an administration with Sinn Fein deputy leader, Martin McGuiness. The article goes on:” Everyone seems to be relieved and pleased with the forming of the new government, a once -unimaginable achievement that both sides pledged would consign decades of death and destruction to history.

Their new shared agenda includes: Improved hospitals, schools, roads and other services.”

As I read the paper and followed the story I was reminded of the many times the accounts of strife in your Country have been reported to us here. We always hoped that the differences could be resolved and now it has happened. Good for all involved in the settlement process. Long may your new administration continue to strive for bigger and better things for Northern Ireland.

A few comments on the visit of Queen Elizabeth. She was a smash hit in her fabulous outfits. She drew huge friendly crowds wherever she appeared. We are all of the opinion that she enjoyed herself immensely because she always had a smile on her face even when Mickey Rooney grabbed her gloved hand and KISSED it. No one knows how she continued to smile when President Bush remarked that the last time she had visited was in 1776! At the reciprocal dinner a few nights later at the British Embassy the Queen rose to give a toast and looking directly at George W. she said” When I was last here in 1776…..” The guests roared! The Queen is leaving today and without her outfits and especially her hats to talk about, I just don’t know what our news people will have to say.

Love from America,

Nancy

Gentlemen can I have your attention….

On Friday I got a letter. By now you all know how I love to receive letters.

This one was from my local health Centre. It was a reminder that it was time to have a routine test.

Yes the time has come round again to have THAT test. Let me just say it is probably the one we women most dislike – a smear test. The fact that it can save lives does little about how we feel about it. It is silly you know as it only takes a few minutes. Nowadays we are no longer asked to put our legs up in stirrups and told to relax as a doctor (in the past it was usually a man with a gruff manner) approached with a hunk of cold steel! You get the picture.

I always found the Mammogram test just as uncomfortable as a smear test. It is like having a Boob squashed in a vice first horizontally, and then vertically. It was made worse when I realised that nowadays it is the only time someone will ask me to appear topless on film.

Today I had to smile: “Why”? I hear you ask. Well they have found a test for the men in our lives. It only takes a minute and it could save your life, no need to be squeamish…..

By Baby

Elly arrived at 16.25hrs on 6th May 1978 as Ipswich scored the winning goal in the F.A. Cup Final. She was the first, only and dearly loved child for my husband and myself.

From the moment she was born she was alert and hungry!

She is still alert and hungry…….

Elly quickly moved through Education:

  • She joined Brownies

  • Learned how to be a radio broadcaster

  • Went on a tour of Queens University Library (aged 10)

  • Joined a church choir

  • Played Hockey, Badminton and Tennis

  • Took part in residential Science Courses

  • Tried canoeing, caving & rock climbing

  • After A levels it was off to Paisley University in Scotland, to read Marketing with French

  • Year three at the IUT in Troyes, France followed with new friends & experiences, but playing rugby was not what mother had in mind.

  • Back to Paisley for the final year and graduation.

Moving to Dublin opened many doors

  • Working for a Major International Company

  • Meeting her True Love

  • New Hobbies, Friends and of course travel


This is what happens when you fall in love!

On Tuesday she heads off on a working trip that will take her right around the world passing through the date line for the first time.

Elly work well, enjoy the experience and travel safely, as always bring my love with you and I look forward to the tales of your travels when you return.

Elly enjoy your birthday, make the day special! I will always love you

The Demon Drink

While reading Dario Sanchez’s post today I was reminded of the following story:

John-Joe Murphy went to a party and as usual has far too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says NO — he only lives a few miles away.

About half a mile from the party, the Gardai pull him over. They check his license and ask him to get out of the car and walk in a straight line. Just as he starts, the Garda’s pocket radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house around the corner. The Gardai tell John-Joe to stay put, they’ll be right back and they run around the corner to the robbery. John-Joe waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day.

A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if Mr. Murphy is there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been there all day. The police still have his driver’s license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage. She opens the door. There sitting in the garage is the squad car, with all its lights still flashing!