Monthly Archives: July 2007

I found out years ago that I didn’t know everything

This is a quiz for people who do!


  1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

  1. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

  1. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

  1. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

  1. In many Off Licence shops, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

  1. Only three words in Standard English begin with the letters ” dw” and they are all common words. Name two of them.

  1. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

  1. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

  1. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter “S.”

Answers tomorrow.


A little white haired old lady was pulled over for speeding on the M50 last Monday…

Old Lady: Morning Garda, Is there a problem?

Garda: You were speeding.

Old Lady: Oh, I see.

Garda: Can I see your licence please?

Old Lady: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Garda: Don’t have one?

Old Lady: I lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Garda: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Old Lady: I can’t do that.

Garda: Why not?

Old Lady: I stole this car.

Garda: Stole it?

Old Lady: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Garda: You what?

Old Lady: I put his body bits are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see them.

The Garda looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his squad car and calls for back up. Within minutes 3 police squad cars box in the woman’s car. A Garda Superintendent slowly approaches her car.

Garda Super: Ma’am, could you step out of your car please!

The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Old Lady: Is there a problem sir?

Garda Super: I have been informed that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Old Lady: Murdered the owner?

Garda Super: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.

The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty space.

Garda Super: Is this your car, ma’am?

Old Lady: Yes, here are the registration papers. The Garda Super is quite stunned.

Garda Super: One of my Gardai claims that you do not have a driving licence.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out her licence and hands it to the Garda Super. He examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.

Garda Super: Thank you ma’am, one of my gardai told me you didn’t have a licence, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Old Lady: Bet he told you I was speeding, too.

Saved again…

Thank you Dr Elly for sorting out my problem with the last pod cast.

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

I promise to remember what you taught me

love you loads


I found it

Grandad has some shopping to do this weekend. We all know he is no stranger to the craft. Alas when it comes to shopping he has no idea how to do it with style.

Imagine buying a vacuum cleaner as a present for a very special Lady on a very Special Day. Well I think I found the ideal gift:

If he is feeling left out there is something there for him as well!


Moving to a New Home

An acquaintance of mine was chatting away one night and somehow the conversation turned to making plans. She told us that her dad sat the family down every ten years to review the past, list achievements and plan for the next decade. Now I do like to make changes from time to time, but it is more at landmark stages in life than every ten years.

At the end of June my life changed forever. My Elly married George and together they set out on the road of a new stage of their lives and destinies. I hope with the eventuality of gradualness they might increase and multiply. No doubt when that happens I will become the most proud yet boring Grannymar in the Universe. You will of course be the first to know all about it!

In the meantime I needed to find a new focus for my time and energies. I have the time but alas the energy has a mind of its own. I tried chasing Toy-boys, but they ran far too fast for me. There was no hope of me catching up and all I got for my efforts were a hot flush and breathlessness.

So to mark the start of this new era for me I have decided on a face lift. No little tuck here, and little pull there for me, thank you, it is all or nothing! A total new look and image is what I am after, something fresh, clean and timeless.So pop on over and take a look:

…and while you are there I might even make you a coffee.

Now let me know what you think of my new look.

I love the line at the bottom ‘Grannymar is proudly powered by WordPress ‘. I certainly need someone to power me up these days!!!

If you follow me via RSS, then don’t forget to update your feeds:

 P.S. remember to take note of my new address for future use:


A young farm lad from North Kerry went to study at University in Dublin, but about one month into the first term, he had foolishly squandered away all of the allowance his parents gave him.

Then he had an idea. He called his daddy. “Dad,” he said, “you won’t believe the wonders that modern education is coming up with! Why, they actually have a course here at college that will teach our dog Blackie how to talk!”

“That’s absolutely amazing,” his father says. “Do you think I might get him enrolled on the course?”

“Just send him up here to me with €1,000” the boy says. “I’ll get him into the course. So, his father sends the dog and the €1,000.

About 6 weeks later, the money ran out again. The boy called his father again.

“So how’s Blackie doing, son,” his father asks.

“Awesome, Dad, he’s talking up a storm,” he says, “but you just won’t believe this – they’ve had such good results with this course that they’ve started a new one to teach the animals how to READ!”

“READ,” says his father, “No kidding! What do I have to do to get him in that course?”

Just send €2,500, I’ll get him in the class. His father sends the money.

The boy now has a problem. The Christmas holiday was approaching, his father would find out that the dog could neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he gets home for the holiday, his father is all excited.

“Where’s Blackie? I just can’t wait to see him talk and read something!”

“Dad,” the boy says, “I have some bad news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Blackie was in the living room reading the Irish Times, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, ‘is your daddy still messing’ around with that little redhead who lives in Tralee?’

The father says, “I hope you SHOT that F*ck*r before he talks to your Mother!”

“I sure did, Dad!”

“That’s my boy!”

I am sure that young lad will go far!

If you still need to be convinced…

Yesterday I was on about my difficulties with the English language.
Here are some more examples to mull over:

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to    present the present.
  8. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  9. I did not object to the object.
  10. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  11. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  12. They were too close to the door to close it.
  13. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  14. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer.
  15. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  16. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  17. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  18. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
  19. How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
  20. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.