Monthly Archives: December 2007

Christmas Travel

We have not officially started the Christmas break and already the Carnage on the roads has begun. The Irish Times starts the ball rolling with with the following piece :

Teenager killed, another seriously hurt in Tipperary crash

A teenager died and another was seriously injured in a crash in Co Tipperary this morning.

The single-vehicle crash happened at 8.05am on the Borrisoleigh Road near Templemore.

One of the men was taken to Nenagh General Hospital but was pronounced dead before arriving. The seriously injured man brought to Limerick Regional Hospital.

Gardaí closed the road, and an investigative team is at the scene. Gardaí are appealing for witnesses to contact Templemore Garda Station on 0504-32630.

Earlier a driver was killed in a two-car collision in Mullingar, Co Westmeath. The crash happened near the Covert at around 6am.

If you intend walking on a pavement, crossing a road or travelling in a car this Christmastide, think of your loved ones, travel carefully and safely. It is better to be late and safe, than never to arrive at all!

Thursday Specials ~ Santa Jokes

Trad santa Face

Question: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
Answer: Because he had low elf esteem.

Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
Answer: So he can ho-ho-ho.

Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.

Question: What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.

Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said “I could not work out what size her nose was!

Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.

Dear Keith…

Dear Keith, the man with the rib crushing hugs!Keith Bohanna & GM

My Elly has gone mad altogether! It must be all this Christmas Spirit.

Her latest suggestion is for Me, yes little old me to offer my help with Creative Camp in Kilkenny on Saturday March 8th 2008. *(GM thinks – Toyboys, plenty of Toyboys)*

Now I ask you why would you want my help and anyway what could I do up here in Norn Iron?

Now darling, if you think of a way to use my talents… don’t tell the daughter or she might want to interfere! 😉

Ever faithful,

Grannymar

Where to get more for your $

Flights are full to overflowing from Ireland with groups of women heading across the pond to the place so wonderful that they named it twice! Yes it is good old New York. New York! They, whoever ‘they’ are, say it is all to do with the exchange rate for the $ at the moment.

Well now I am beginning to wonder because…..

Word has reached me that a shop that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband!

Please cover Elly’s eyes because I am wondering…..do you know if there are any flights available tomorrow?

Among the instructions at the entrance to the store is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
“That’s nice”, she thinks, “but I want more.”
So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor #31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

Be careful what you say!

One day a little girl was sitting and looking at her mother’s face as she was telling a story.

She noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out at the top of her head. Looking at her mother she inquisitively asked,

‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mammy?’

Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns White.’

The little girl thought about this for a while and then said,

‘Mammy, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are White?’

hand-stand.jpg

I have some BAD news for you!

Now Ladies and Gentlemen just stop right now whatever you are doing!

Are you over 30? Nearly forty?

Then the signs are not good!

I was checking my RSS Feeder this morning and while reading through the postings of my regular blogging friends I came across this little Gem:

Facebook founder/media-golden-boy, 24-year-old Mark Zuckerberg, had this advice for aspiring technology entrepreneurs while speaking at a tech conference last spring “I want to stress the importance of being young and technical,’ he stated. ‘If you want to found a successful company, you should only hire young people with technical expertise… Young people are just smarter.”

Ronni Bennett at Time Goes By has a very interesting post on the ‘delights’ of Facebook with comments that stretch almost across the Atlantic. They are all worth reading.

I hope that in 20 years time some young buck still wet behind the ears, stands up at a meeting to remind Mark Zuckerberg of these words!

Maybe I will still be around to smile!

HOW TO COOK THE TURKEY

I am not expecting to cook a Turkey this year. roast_turkey

No doubt before the big day I will have the opportunity to have a turkey lunch and that will do me thank you!

You may intend to cook and serve a super Bird for your family or friends so I thought I might share a favourite recipe with you.

It will take longer than the more usual recipe but I guarantee that you will never taste another bird like it.

  1. Go buy a Turkey.
  2. Take a drink of Whiskey.
  3. Put Turkey in the oven.
  4. Take another two drinks of Whiskey.
  5. Set the degree at 375 ovens.
  6. Take three more Whiskeys of drink.
  7. Turn oven on.
  8. Take four Whisks of drinkey.
  9. Turk the bastey.
  10. Whiskey another bottle of get.
  11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
  12. Glass yourself another pour of Whiskey.
  13. Bake the Whiskey for four hours.
  14. Take the oven out of the turkey.
  15. take the oven out of the turkey.
  16. Floor the turkey up off the pick.
  17. Turk the carvey.
  18. Get yourself another Scottle of botch.
  19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.
  20. Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

Un-Christmas Shopping

Yesterday I was at a new branch of the Tesco Supermarket Chain in Ballymena. Among the purchases I selected was a bottle of flavoured vinegar. There was a price on the shelf edge and a barcode on the bottle. When I get to the check-out I am told they cannot sell it to me and move it aside.

“Why?” I ask.

“There is no price in the system” said the checkout girl.

“If there is no price in the system, why is the item on the shelf?” I ask. “I am willing to pay for it and it has a Barcode on the side. If you have no price that is not my fault and think you should give it to me free!”

An assistant was called and sent back for another bottle to see if it would scan. This second one would not scan either so ‘my’ bottle was moved further out of my reach. That got my goat up so I was determined to stand my ground, and Elly will tell you a cross Grannymar is not a happy bunny.

Having paid for and packed my goods I went to the Service desk. Having told my story I was informed all the managers were at a meeting. I called the girls bluff and said I would wait. I needed to calm down and a rest so waited. Otherwise I would have interrupted the meeting (taking place in a corner of the shop floor beside the entrance).

I left the store some 15 minutes later with the vinegar, which I paid for.

Wash and Squash!

That was the title of an article in the latest edition of a local freebie newspaper that pops un-requested through my letterbox every week. The article was announcing a new carton recycling scheme launched by our local Council. Wonderful I hear you say. But is it? I am all for doing my bit to save the planet and actually did a Podcast about my selection of bins for various forms of recycling and waste disposal back in January this year. At last count I had a compost bin in the garden, 3 bins of the wheelie variety and a box, all of them emptied at the kerbside. General waste (for landfill) is emptied each week, while the garden waste bin and recyclable box for glass, plastic etc are fortnightly and the paper bin is every six weeks.

Back to June 1999 a small number of Council representatives in Northern Ireland agreed on the merits of a partnership approach to the development of a Waste Management Plan to comply with Article 23 of the Waste and Contaminated Land Order 1997. By 2000, 11 Councils joined together to form the Eastern Region Waste Management Group and embark on the collaborative initiative known as arc21.

Is it another quango I wonder?

The Draft Waste Management Plan was issued for public consultation in February 2002. It considered the different waste options in detail and proposed a solution for managing waste until 2020. All eleven of the ‘arc21’ constituent Councils adopted the Plan by January 2003.

This new initiative is for paper-based cartons used for milk, fruit juices and other liquids. According to the article, after collection these items can be recycled into a number of different products, ranging from plasterboard liner to high-strength paper bags and envelopes.

The recycling Manager for the Council reminds us that “This new scheme will allow ‘us’(Councils) to further increase our recycling rates and hopefully encourage more people to take a sustained interest in recycling as a way of life.” No mention of the kick up the tail-end that all UK Councils received from the EU about improving the figures! Presently just over 70% of all household waste goes directly to landfill sites.

So the new initiative is all very good, but it is not to be part of the kerbside collections. I have a total of FOUR bin Lorries calling into the cul-de-sac to empty bins from my driveway. FOUR bin Lorries, belching out fumes to dissolve the ozone layer even more and now because they have come up with this great idea, I have to get into my little car and tootle along to my nearest Recycling and Civic Amenity Site with my washed and squashed Tetra type packs.

Using an average of one a week I now have to find a way to store them until I have a decent bundle or bag full to dispose of.

Do you think I should use a plastic bag to store them in?