Well of course you don’t, but bundles like these were a common sight in the outside Loo’s during the first quarter of the last century. Things have certainly changed since those far off days.

Moistened Toilet Tissues in a Tub are now the order of the day. Every bathroom seems to have some. The sales blurb suggests we use them together with regular toilet paper to leave us feeling cleaner & fresher than ever before.

The claims made about them are:
soft
strong
enriched with Aloe Vera
flushable
dermatologically tested

“Brilliant” I hear you shout. “I couldn’t live without them!”

I have to admit I have a box in the house and one in the car.

But should we really flush them down the loo? Are they really Bio-degradable?

Are they really doing our tender skin a service?

Let me tell you a little story.

I was sitting in the hairdressers early one morning a few years ago, fidgeting patiently waiting for the Toyboy stylist to arrive and work his magic on my tender locks. The waiting area, like all Dentists and Doctor’s surgeries, had the usual bundle of tired well thumbed Ladies magazines to calm the frustration.

Picking one of these to while away the time it opened to a page of handy tips. Always willing to learn something new I read through the items on the page.

Steep dentures in water with Vinegar added to remove stains.

Add fabric Conditioner to a footbath to soften hard skin on the feet.

Use wet wipes as a quick stain remover.

This last one stuck in my mind and at some stage I had reason to try it. It worked! I tried it again several times and it always worked. I started on the outer side of the stain and worked to the centre. Now you know why I keep some wipes in the car.

Now it happened that on a bright June day I was hosting a lunch for an eminent gentleman and his good lady wife (both wearing collars backwards); to round off the numbers I had invited a couple of other folk as well. One lady wore not just her Sunday best, but her Very Best Outfit (VBO); anyone would think we were expecting Royalty! Lunch was to follow a church service of indeterminate length so I prepared a cold buffet. A dressed salmon was the centrepiece with colourful salads and accompaniments.

When all were gathered the hunger pangs were evident so without delay I sorted everyone with food while Jack saw to the drinks. The day was a cook’s delight, everyone seemed to be enjoying my efforts and helping themselves to more of this or that. Mrs VBO informed everyone how much she enjoyed baby beetroot as she tried to cut into one. The baby beet objected and jumped off the plate and hit her ample chest before rolling all the way down the front of her light turquoise Frank Usher dress before falling to the floor.

In her embarrassment she reached for her napkin to wipe the mark. I pleaded with her not to touch it and asked if she would accompany me to the bathroom. I used the moist wipes and the red stain vanished. We returned to the table and continued with the meal. No more was said about it so I phoned the next day to make sure there was no mark left by the wipes. She assured me that all was fine and there would be no need for dry cleaning.

On another occasion I was helping friends with preparations for another group lunch. My friends had recently moved to a new house and purchased a large dining table with a dozen chairs. The chair seats were upholstered in a winter white fabric. That day we had a rather crowded table with extra chairs added where possible. Several of the guests were elderly and some with unsteady hands.

When the guests were gone we set about clearing up the table and the room. I removed the chairs to vacuum under the table and horror of horrors one guest had dribbled the carrot & coriander soup! The evidence was plainly to be seen on one of the chairs. The hostess ran with the chair to the kitchen and was about to attack it with water. Once more I pleaded with her not to touch it. She did not have any wipes so I went to my car for my box. I worked on the stain which by this stage had a couple of hours to set. It took me some time but eventually I was pleased with the result. Again I phoned the next morning worried that I might have left a water type mark. “Grannymar” she said “Where did you put that chair? I have gone over each one and can’t tell which chair had the stain on it!”

Now hang in there, this is the last one and it is against me! Last November when I was staying with my Aunt in Dublin we were enjoying a bottle of Red – well they say the red wine is good for the heart! We adjourned to the lounge with the refilled glasses and honestly I don’t know what happened, but suddenly my hand was wet and the red wine was all over her peach velour sofa! My mind raced; two matching sofas and a chair to recover would make an expensive bottle of wine. I asked if she had wipes and to my relief she did. Once again the wipes did their work and removed the stain.

If the moist wipes work so well on all these stains, what do they do to our skin?