Daily Archives: July 6, 2008

Sunday School

OK so I didn’t write them, but the following statements about the bible were supposedly written by children. They have not been re-touched or corrected. Incorrect spelling has been left in. Enjoy!

  • In the first book of the bible, guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.
  • Adam and eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of ark. Noah built and ark and the animals came on in pears.
  • Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day, but a ball of fire during the night.
  • The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.
  • Sampson was a strongman who let him self be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah.
  • Samson slayed the philistines with the axe of the apostles.
  • Moses led the Jews to the red sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.
  • The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. After wards, mosses went up to mount cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
  • The first commandments was when eve told Adam to eat the apple.
  • The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
  • Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of geritol.
  • Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
  • When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
  • When the three wise guys from the east side arrived they found Jesus in the manager.
  • Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
  • St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head.
  • Jesus enunciated the golden rule, which says to do unto others be fore they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone…
  • It was a miricle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
  • The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels.
  • The epistels were the wives of the a postles.
  • One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
  • St. Paul cavorted to Christianity; he preached holy acrimony which is another name for marraige.
  • Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony.