Thursday Special ~ Learning the Alphabet

New Alphabet

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

The NewAlphabet

A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains,
Perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H.. High blood pressure–I’d rather it low;
I .. For incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L’s for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, bones that don’t grow!

P for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
Just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is  for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; troubles with flow;
V for vertigo, that’s ‘dizzy,’ you know.

W for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y for another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest I still have– in my mind.

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed, and
I’m keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!

19 thoughts on “Thursday Special ~ Learning the Alphabet

  1. Grannymar Post author

    @Steph – My singing earns no crusts… but I am thinking about a little….! 🙄 You will have to wait a few days to find out. 👿

    @Chrisb – You are not alone there.

  2. Nancy

    L’s for libido, what happened to sex?


    I went to a new doctor recently and was given a questionnaire to fill out. One of the questions was….

    Are you sexually active?

    I answered: “No, I usually just lie there.”

  3. Grannymar Post author

    @Nancy – 😆

    @Nick – Well done you! Stay young in heart and mind.

    @Ramana – I hope they don’t runaway. I am due to see an Orthopaedic Consultant next week.

  4. Magpie11

    Just had me heart checked out…okay…BP like a yo-yo in a lift shaft and pulse…don’t talk to me about pulses….

    As for staying young…Nancy might know the saying about a woman being as young as the young man….. oh sorry.

    Did I tell you that I have it on good authority that those who take the longest to grow up make the best adults? I’ll let you know if that is true when I become adult, if ever.

    Bloods tomorrow!

  5. Annb

    Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. So with that in mind, I intend not to face this alphabet head on, as I’m a great believer in the old saying : No problem is too big that it can’t be run away from!

  6. Jefferson Davis

    A’s for amicable.
    B’s for brilliant
    C’s for charming
    D’s for delightful
    E’s for energising
    F’s for fun
    G’s for gregarious
    H’s for humble
    I’s for intellect

    Shall I go on? 🙂 Brilliant post Grannymar.

  7. Grannymar Post author

    @Magpie – Pulses, do you not eat them? 😉 Like you I am still growing up, alas second time around. As for ‘sex on the sea’, I don’t know about that but isn’t sex on the sand a drink? 🙄

    @Annb – Jack often told people that he chased me until I caught him!

    @JD – I like your alphabet!

  8. Magpie11

    They say it’ uncomfortable….as for a drink…hang on while I google….

    Ye gods and little fishes……have you seen the ingredients list?

  9. Grannymar Post author


    ‘Ye gods and little fishes’, I love it, and the drink too! I have been known to have one or…three! 🙄


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