Right! Own up…. Was it you?

It was supposed to be one of my rest days.  However, I was awake in time to hear the shipping weather forecast at 5.20 am on BBC Radio 4 .  I lay and listened until about seven fifteen before hunger pangs got the better of me.

Going to the kitchen, I filled & boiled the kettle then set my muesli covered in orange juice, a side bowl of dried fruit & nuts, the mornings medication, a beaker and a coffee pot filled with boiling water on a tray.  Back I went to bed with my feast.  I was determined to stay in bed for a couple more hours.  Tobias was patiently waiting to amuse me when the food was finished.

The calm was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell.  Wrapped in my dressing gown I went to investigate.  With a bunch of keys like those of a jailer I undid the locks and opened the door expecting to see the Post man with a large letter or parcel.

It was not the Post man.

It was a young man.  He had my address.  He seemed surprised that I was not expecting him.

Ok!  So this is where you come in….

Which of you asked the Environmental Health Department to come and FUMIGATE my house????

I told the guy he was a little early and he offered to come back.

“You are 363 days early” I said.  “April Fools day has passed for this year!”

He was not amused.

I was!

I finally convinced him that he had the incorrect address and sent him on his way.



I got figgety and had to get up.  I needed to clean something, anything to rid myself of the feeling that my house was dirty.  The sun was shining so I went outdoors selected a task and set to work.  Several hours later I had this to show for my pains:

Never mind the state of the bucket it had served well for about 30 years.  The brown stuff inside it came from the spouting at the front of my bungalow .  Don’t tell Elly I was climbing a ladder, she will kill me.  In the past cleaning the spouts would have taken me about two hours all told.  It took me most of the day this time, I move more slowly now and needed to stop for rest several times.  I managed to clear up and put everything away before the rain started.

I have been resting ever since!  No! I will not climb up to clean the spouts at the back, as it is as high as a two story house.  I will find a toyboy to do that job for me.

14 thoughts on “Right! Own up…. Was it you?

  1. steph

    Please Missus

    I’m innocent 😳

    Could you not have used your Toyboy charm to get yer man to clean the spouts, seeing as he’d disturbed you?

  2. Nick

    And there was I scraping bits of moss off the garden path, thinking how obsessive I was and what did it matter anyway? Glad to know there’s someone else equally obsessive about all those obscure bits of maintenance nobody else ever notices.

    What a thoughtless man interrupting your early morning indulgence….

  3. Grannymar Post author

    @Steph – Innocent! When were you innocent ❓

    @Nick – I am not as obsessive as I used to be. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak 🙁

  4. Grannymar Post author


    In my head I am able to do all these jobs… in five minutes! Alas in reality it is very different! 🙁

  5. wisewebwoman

    Oh I see where you went wrong, GM.
    Not “Wrapped in my dressing gown” but you should have “trailing my diaphanous negligee” . I think he’d still be there, doing the back spouts and as Nick suggested getting all the bits of moss off everything.

  6. Grannymar Post author

    @Darlene – I’ll try.

    @WWW – My negligee might have frightened him all the faster! 🙄

  7. Baino

    Cleaning spouts? I can’t imagine what a spout is? Are they the downpipes that funnel rainwater? My God that was a big bucket of Mayonnaise!

  8. Grannymar Post author

    @Magpie – I realise the creased look is fashionable, but there are limits! 😉

    @Baino – The spouting carries the rainwater to the downpipes. As for the bucket… Jack picked it up at one of his calls (empty) just to use in the garden. He also got a smashing blue one with a lid & no adverts, for steeping the nappies!


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