How to tell If You’re on the way down Hill

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You buy sensible shoes with rubber soles.

People ask you what colour your hair used to be.

Your car must have four doors.

Your biggest concern when dancing is falling over.

Your Christmas gifts include those slender trays of fresh dates.

You know all the warning signs of a heart attack.

34 thoughts on “How to tell If You’re on the way down Hill

  1. Nick

    I don’t fit the criteria at all, I must be fortunate. Apart from a very poor sense of smell, which I’ve had for decades, and the need to pee a lot, and the odd twinge in my knees, I’m in fairly good shape. Hopefully I’ll stay that way for a while.

  2. Grannymar Post author

    Rhyleysgranny – Join the club!

    Nick – You are fortunate indeed. May your boat sail on steady seas for many a long journey.

    Judy – Shhhh! Sometimes a little dark chocolate creeps in my door.

  3. Grannymar Post author

    Steph – I have lived with glasses full time for over three years……..

    Now, come on! You don’t really want me to answer the rest, do you?

  4. Judy Harper

    Five out of seven! It would be 7 out of seven except I’ve colored my hair for so many years I can’t remember my true color and here, it’s prunes rather than dates! I keep saying, “These individually wrapped prunes are so good, you should try them, they’re like real fruit!” Yeah, right!

  5. Alice

    So far I’ve managed to outrun 2 or 3 items on the list, but those are bound to catch up with me one of these days. It IS downhill, but I’m thinking uphill might be harder.

  6. Magpie11

    I love those dates…. In fact I love all dates…and I love prunes too… always have the former at christmas since age 2 at least! No car, ever. Heart attack? I’m hypochondriac enough already. Always wear sensible shoes…only time I ever got Athlete’s Foot was when I was compelled to wear trainers all the time for a couple of weeks(well not in bed of course).
    As for sex… no comment!

  7. Ursula

    Sorry, Grannymar, to pop up on your blog once more like the proverbial bad penny. Couldn’t resist since both your post and responses to it are so depressing. I was actually looking forward to my old age. But no longer.

    I am particularly intrigued by Nick’s urge to pee more than normal, I remember the affliction when a young girl and bladder infections were rife. I didn’t have you, Magpie, down as a hypochondriac. Sensible shoes? Wear high heels before you leave this mortal soil, that’s what I say. Athlete’s foot? Honestly, Magpie, you are lowering the tone. How does one get Athlete’s foot? I have never managed to do so – not even by going swimming in public pools. And before anyone says anything: Yes, it’s probably because I am so acid that even athletes turn up their noses at me.


  8. Grannymar Post author

    Judy H – I have been avoiding prunes since childhood! I liked the juice but not the fruit itself.

    Alice – As the young people say – Go with the flow!

    Magpie – Comfortable footwear are the most important piece of attire we can have. Now how about a date….!

    Ursula – The door is open.

  9. Rummuser

    Grannymar, I am shocked that so early in the season, someone has sent you those dates. I promise that it was not me. I just love dates. I used to love double and triple dates but not anymore. I do not seem to be able to get any dates. Magpie would know how to advise me I suppose.

    I have had my share of heart attacks without those symptoms cropping up thank you.

    Nick, you must be doing something right!

  10. Ursula

    Grannymar, thank you for your kind invitation. As you can imagine, in the wake of recent foul eggs and other past-their-use-by-DATE produce flying my way on other blogs, paranoia is now mine.

    Aren’t open doors (and I take my cue from Brighid) the most dangerous? I dimly remember being told as a child that when running into an ‘open’ door you are likely to do yourself an injury. Just in case, in future I will knock before entering.


    Ps Brighid, I am intrigued by the spelling of your name which is clearly related to both the French and German ‘Brigitte”. How did you come by it, if I may ask, and how do you pronounce it?

  11. Grannymar Post author

    Ursula – Once again you take what you want from what I write. It is obvious from here on my blog and from the other LBC blogs that you visit that you certainly do not like me. That is no skin off my back. Some weeks ago you told everyone here that you would not be back. You did the same on other blogs over the weekend, yet popped back promptly every time. No way for a ‘lady’ to behave, in fact it is rather juvenile.

    My meaning was that the door was open for you to LEAVE. It seems that you are unable to do so.

    There are millions of blogs out there world wide, take time and you might actually find your match among them.

  12. Geri Atric

    Not to mention returning home when you’re halfway to the shops, to check you’ve turned the gas off – and then going back AGAIN when you’re BACK down the street, to make sure you locked the front door the 2nd time when you went back to check on the gas…. sob!

  13. Grannymar Post author

    Brighid – I hope we laugh long and loud together!

    Ramana – Why, I have dates all year! 🙄

    Geri – I bring a list….. yet come home with the list and only half the items on it! 🙁

  14. Ursula

    Grannymar, I thought it was YOU who didn’t like ME, for reasons that shall remain between the two of us. You made it so very obvious in more than one of your responses what is bugging you about me. And, you are quite right, I should have known better than continuing to try and win you over. I will have to go into my own heart why I did.

    Since you are my elder I will concede your notion that I am juvenile. I never claimed to be a lady or anything other than myself – and what’s wrong with being juvenile? Why put down the young before their time?

    In my hopeless optimism, and belief in the good of other people, I misunderstood your earlier ‘open door’ as still being open and inviting me to enter once more. How laughable and ridiculous my naivety, don’t you think? Generosity of spirit clearly not your thing.

    You think of yourself as kind; you are one of the two coldest and unforgiving people I have ever come across. Not a judgment of your character – just as I see it.

    And yes, congratulations, Grannymar, you have finally managed – not only to humiliate me – but to see me off most, not all, of what you consider “your” patch, ie the consortium.


  15. Grannymar Post author


    Genuine people have no need to try and win me over.

    So you are not a lady then? Does that mean you are a man hiding under the handle of Ursula?? It certainly would not surprise me, since you are so cautious about revealing much about your real identity.

    You are right I am a cold person, anyone who shakes hands with me will tell you that. It is due to circulation problems but certainly not not for want of a generous heart.

    I was proud to be invited to join the loose bloggers consortium. We are all equal and the blend of our individual talents is what makes it work. As a group working TOGETHER we prosper, your aim seems to be to antagonise and divide.

    As with all groups to which I belong, I am protective of the members and dislike when anyone tries to upset or hurt them.

    Farewell Ursula, I hope that some day you find peace.

  16. Cheerful Monk

    “Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.” Once I was talking to an eye doctor about far-sightedness and I told him my husband read of a new operation for it. The fellow froze, assuming it was some quack suggestion. Then I explained that you cut off part of the legs and add them to the arms. I still remember the expression on his face before he started laughing.

    “You buy sensible shoes with rubber soles.” I’m an unnatural woman. I’ve always worn sensible shoes.

    One of my husband’s favorite expressions is, “It’s all downhill after 21.” We’re WAY downhill by now. 🙂

  17. Conrad

    GM, I laughed at your list and its truth. My mother has always told me that old age isn’t for sissies!

    “Yea, though I walk through the valley… ” – I think there is a reason they put it down lower like that, rather than high on the mountainside.

    I’m old enough to be walking pretty low in the terrain, but I certainly am enjoying it. There are a lot more warm villages here than on the mountain tops!! Maybe those of us with Irish blood particularly treasure that warmth and the free sharing of a fine broth.

    I raise my mug to you in kinship, GM. For, at our age, a little antifreeze won’t hurt either!

  18. Grannymar Post author

    Jean – I love the solution for far-sightedness! I grew up in a large family and stretch or starve was the law of the table, we all had very long arms. Alas, those long arms do little to aid my reading.

    Conrad – You are always welcome in my village. We will raise a mug of broth, cup of coffee or indeed something with a sparkle in it one day. Very soon I hope.

  19. Magpie11

    Um! Ursula….cross dressing has never appealed to me! As for athletes foot…well Tinea pedis (I always thought it was interdigitalis) loves moist warm and sweaty conditions to thrive. All of which are encouraged by wearing trainers continuously and which we men can be prone to anyway. I normally rotate my shoes but out there in the North West Territories of Canada I was not able to have enough changes of foot wear…just a pair of hiking boots, a pair of shoes for the Graduation I was to attend and a pair of trainers for running and general wear.

    About sensible shoes GM…. I would rather pay £2000 for a decent pair of shoes than for a new suit. I must have told you that, after settling debts and sorting out the family, the first thing I’d do if I won the lottery or some rich old lady left me a fortune would be to go to John Lobb and have lasts made and shoes to follow! Meantime I spend as much as I can find. I know someone who says that in the situation I outlined above he would wear new sock every day
    Foot comfort is important …. hence the popularity of foot massage.
    I met an ex army gym instructor (a parent of a pupil) who told me that the British Army were increasingly worried by the number of recruits who developed shin and knee problems. Research showed that the continuous wearing of cushioned foot wear (trainers) was actually affecting the development of bones and joints. Both need impact stimulus to develop properly and this is increasingly missing in modern life.
    Take care of your feet (and eyes) they are irreplaceable!

  20. Grannymar Post author

    Magpie – I remember you talking about those shoes. I have often wondered about the fashion for trainers. When Elly was in her teens the ‘must have’ was Doc Martins, I have not seen them for a long time, now it is trainers everywhere. I do have a couple of pairs but I change shoes at least every day, if not twice a day. Even in my hiking days, I had socks and shoes to change into when we came back to the car/cars at the end of our outing.

    Baino – Comfort for the feet is a priority.

  21. Conrad

    Grannymar, someone said that if you always have leather soles between your feet and the earth, then the world will always be made of leather.

    I guess that means the world is now made of rubber! Or, rather, a synthetic substitute…

  22. Rummuser

    Climate being what it is, Indians do not need to wear shoes in most parts of India, though in the North in the cold months, they do need to.

    I think that this is the story that Magpie refers to. If I am wrong, please correct me Magpie.

    The story is of the king who created a magnificent garden and went to inspect the gardener’s pride. A thorn pricked his feet and he called his minister and ordered that the entire country be covered with some material so that a thorn does not dare to prick the king’s foot. The minister did not do anything overt and on the day of the deadline produced a pair of shoes for the king to solve the problem. This is how shoes were invented for ordinary people. The story is told to children to impress on the need to wear footwear, not necessarily shoes. This story, like many others with good intentions has been misinterpreted and used by small minded people to denigrate Tagore and his attempts at teaching children through the medium of stories.

    When I started my career as a salaried salesman way back in 1961, I was placed under the care and training of an amazing man who was my first real mentor in the world of business and common sense. His first lesson, before product knowledge or anything else was to grill me about my underwear, socks and shoes. He insisted that I spend some money to acquire the most comfortable so that I can be comfortable while doing the rounds. An advise that I have followed till today, and one that I have passed on to countless young sales persons. I too have never spared proper expense for good and comfortable shoes.

    The way my mentor demonstrated what happens when one is wearing uncomfortable underwear and footwear, is still fresh in my memory. Contorting his body in innumerable ways, he grimaced and made funny faces to adjust!

  23. Rummuser

    I am sorry Magpie and Grannymar. There is a poem with that name but am unable to locate it anywhere. I have not heard of it otherwise, I would know where to locate it.

  24. Magpie11

    I have two books with slightly different translations in. It involves King Hobu and minister Gobu…. It’s no where on line although the Oxford Selected Writings for Children is advertised…it had to come from India specially for me!


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