Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back…
Or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did….
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
And asked loudly,
‘How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?’
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn’t say a word…
He knew better.
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women’s type I had been using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, ‘I think I like playing with men’s balls’
My sister and I were at the mall and
Passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, ‘No, I’m just looking at your nuts.’
My sister started to laugh hysterically.
The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day,
My sister has never let me forget.
FOURTH TESTIMONY :
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
So of course I checked
My seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
Then realized that Danny
Had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
And he said ‘No’
I kept thinking
‘Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don’t have any clothes with me.’
Then I said,
‘ Danny, are you SURE you didn’t have an accident?’
‘No,’ he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, ‘ Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
Bent over, spread his cheeks
‘SEE MOM, IT’S JUST FARTS!!’
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,
Thanking me for the best laugh they’d ever had!
LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days when it happened
And a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
In the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don’t get any!
We had a female news anchor that,
The day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn’t,
Turned to the weatherman and asked:
‘So Bob, where’s that 8 inches you promised me last night?’
Not only did HE have to leave the set,
But half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!
We all say things we don’t really mean,
So think before you speak!!!!!
Chris sent this a long time ago and I almost forgot it.