Thursday Special ~ Why teachers turn to drink

The following questions were set in last year’s examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)…………and to think that they WILL breed someday.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large  pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids

A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs 
(Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery  (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow    (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U..    (?!?!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does ‘varicose’ mean?

A. Nearby

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.  (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?

A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word ‘benign’ mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

Thank you Paddy for the update on modern education.

14 thoughts on “Thursday Special ~ Why teachers turn to drink

  1. Ursula

    “Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

    A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.”

    Oh, Grannymar, that answer is so me. If only someone had asked the question.

    What a brilliant Thursday you have served. No one will go hungry. Why do teachers turn to drink? Because the young, unadulterated brain being the most original brain. Not to be beaten. Don’t you agree?

    U

    Reply
  2. Grannymar Post author

    Ursula – Glad you enjoyed the effort today.

    WWW – These stories are like pennies: made round to go around!

    Ramana – This is a different Paddy, This IS Ireland after all! 😉

    Reply
  3. Grannymar Post author

    Betty – I was beginning to wonder if these were in fact real answers and not another spoof email doing the rounds.

    Fos – You be careful of that borax! 😉

    Maxi – If real, they are well on the way to being politicians!

    Tilly – I often wanted to give answers like those above, but never had the courage!

    Reply
  4. Alice

    These must have come from those fourth-graders (Q: why does the gorilla have wide nostrils? A: because he has big fingers) who grew up (sort of)… 🙂

    Reply
  5. Barbara

    I can tell my dad’s input anywhere….. Have you got the one about the little girl & the builders yet? I was going to blog that one!

    Reply
  6. Grannymar Post author

    Barbara – Not yet, but you go ahead, it is first come, first served!

    BTW – 😀

    Reply

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