Thursday Special ~ The Elderly Irish Virgin

In a tiny village on the Irish coast lived an old lady, a virgin, and very proud of it.

Sensing that her final days were rapidly approaching, and desiring to make sure everything was in proper order when she dies, she went to the town’s undertaker (who also happened to be the local postal clerk) to make proper “final” arrangements. As a last wish, she informed the Undertaker that she wanted the following inscription engraved on her tombstone:

“Born A Virgin, Lived As A Virgin, Died A Virgin”

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully.

A few days after the funeral, as the undertaker/postal clerk went to prepare the tombstone that the lady had requested, it became quite apparent that the tombstone she had selected was much too small for the wording that she had chosen.

He thought long and hard about how he could fulfil the old maid’s final request considering the very limited space available on the small piece of stone.

For days, he agonized over the dilemma, but finally his experience as a postal worker allowed him to come up with what he thought was the appropriate solution to the problem.

The virgin’s tombstone was finally completed,

duly engraved, and it read as follows:

“RETURNED  UNOPENED”

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Thank you Brighid for the story today.

15 thoughts on “Thursday Special ~ The Elderly Irish Virgin

  1. Grannymar Post author

    Nick – I am giggling at Elly’s answer below.

    Elly – 😯

    AD – I thought so.

    gigi – Those are the best kind.

    Reply
  2. Dianne

    I have had several maiden aunts and they were the best people. One in particular was my favorite aunt. The joke is not funny. Sorry, but that’s how it is with me. The world would be a better place if more women retained their maiden status. Dianne

    Reply
  3. Grannymar Post author

    Dianne – I am sorry if you find the joke offensive. I too had a maiden aunt and indeed one aunt who married at 24 and was widowed at 28 with two small children. Both of these ladies – and they were ladies, would have smiled at the story above. My widowed aunt remained alone for fifty odd years, putting all her energies into teaching.

    Ramana – Share away.

    Warren – 😀

    Reply

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