Daily Archives: September 5, 2013

Thursday Specials ~ Epitaphs

Here lies poor dear Blanche –
Got run down by an avalanche.

Here lies the body of my sweet sister;
She was just fine ’til Dracula kissed her.

Here lies Henry Blake
He stepped on the gas
Instead of the brake.

Here lies the popular Kevin O’Toole
He thought it was cool to smoke at school.

Here lies Captain Gregg –
He got termites in his wooden leg.

Here lies the body of our Anna
Done to death by a banana
It wasn’t the fruit that laid her low
But the skin of the thing that made her go.

Here lies Kelly
We buried him today
He lived the life of Riley
When Riley was away.

Here lies a poor woman who always was tired
For she lived in a house where help wasn’t hired
Her last words she said were, “Dear friends, I am going
Where washing ain’t wanted, nor mending, nor sewing
Where all things is done exact to my wishes
For where folks don’t eat there’s no washing of dishes
In Heaven loud anthems forever are ringing
But having no voice, I’ll keep clear of singing
Don’t mourn for me now, don’t mourn for me never
For I’m going to do nothing forever and ever.

With thanks to my school pal, Noreen for these. I wonder if she is trying to tell me something? I am after all, older than her…. Eleven days older! 🙁