Monthly Archives: December 2013

Thursday Special ~ Joining a club!

Yesterday my daughter asked (again) why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favourite topic of conversation at the moment. She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior centre and socialize with the other seniors and play games, do crafts, play cards or bowl, and have lunch.

I did this a few times and when I got home last night, I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business.

I told her that I had a great time and met one of the volunteers there who signed me up for a parachute club.

She said, “Are you nuts? You’re over 85 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of air-planes ?”

I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.

She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club.”

“Well then I’m in trouble twice… I signed up for five jumps a week,” I told her.

She fainted.

Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it really can be fun…..

Nancy, this is like something I would do! It made me giggle!

Thursday Special ~ What Happens in Heaven stays in Heaven

All arrivals in heaven have to go through a bureaucratic examination to determine whether admission will be granted. One room has a clerk who inputs computerized records of what each applicant did on his or her last day of life.

The first applicant of the day explains that his last day was not a good one. “I came home early and found my wife lying naked in bed. She claimed she had just gotten out of the shower. Well, her hair was dry and I checked the shower and it was completely dry, too. I knew she was into some hanky-panky and I began to look for her lover. I went onto the balcony of our 9th floor apartment and found the SOB clinging to the rail by his finger-tips. I was so angry that I began bashing his fingers with a flower pot. He let go and fell, but his fall was broken by some awnings and bushes. On seeing he was still alive, I found super human strength to drag our antique cedar chest to the balcony and throw it over. It hit the man and killed him. At this point the stress got to me and I suffered a massive heart attack and died.”

The clerk thanked him and sent him on to the next office.

The second applicant said that his last day was his worst. “I was on the roof of an apartment building working on the AC equipment. I stumbled over my tools and toppled off the building. I managed to grab onto the balcony rail of a 9th floor apartment but some idiot came rushing out on the balcony and bashed my hands with a flower pot. I fell, but hit some awnings and bushes and survived, but as I looked up I saw a huge chest falling toward me. I tried to crawl out of the way but failed and was hit and killed by the chest.”

The clerk couldn’t help but chuckle as he directs the man to the next room.

He is still giggling when his third customer of the day enters. He apologizes and says “I doubt that your last day was as interesting as the fellow in here just before you.”

“I don’t know” replies the man, “picture this, I’m butt naked, hiding
in this cedar chest . . . . . . . . . . ”

This one has Nancy L written all over it. Good to have you back with us again Nance!

Ducks

The clouds parted, the sun appeared
with a skirt of blue skies, my heart was cheered.

Time to wrap up, at just three degrees.
I quick stepped down the hill bending my knees.

My few little errands were soon in the bag,
Time to circle round and home by the park,

These guys came running chattering their news,
Being careful to keep off my shoes.