Same-Sex Marriage Referendum Debate


This article jogged me into writing this post.

The Catholic Archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin, said at an Iona Institute talk in Dublin last week, that:

“The Catholic bishops did not support the referendum and called on people to reflect on the implications for marriage of it being passed”.

What implications?

I thought the whole idea of the vote in May was to allow gay and lesbian people to openly marry someone of their own orientation.

I am Heterosexual, it is the way I was created and if I decided to marry again, tomorrow or in June, The outcome of a YES vote would not prevent me doing so.

The YES vote will not prevent young heterosexual couples from entering marriage with the person of their choice, and have families.

If gay and lesbian couples wish to celebrate and solemnise their relationship through marriage, then they should be allowed to do so.

Oh!…. They might want to adopt a child or have one with the aid of IVF and a donor?

There are many heterosexual couples who find they are unable to conceive and they are allowed to go down that road, and they are helped and praised for doing so. Not letting a same sex couple go down that route is even more discrimination.

When I was preparing for marriage back in 1977, I had different problems. My choice of soul-mate, was a widower, old enough to be my father, of a different faith and English!

My wedding was to take place in the RC Church, into which I was baptised, when I was three days old. I went to see the local priest. I wanted to make arrangements and arrange for my uncle, a Jesuit to officiate.

Being a ‘Mixed Marriage’, I would need permission from the bishop!

“There should be no bother in getting permission.” Said the priest. “Your future husband is a widower, and it is not good for a man to be alone!” Adding “I’ll have no problem sorting that out with the bishop.”

Not a mention of his age, religion or the fact he was English. Others found them more of a problem.

I returned a week later and learned The bishop had given the go ahead….. Talk about fast tracking for a lonely man without his comforts!!!! My uncle was also allowed to officiate.

I was asked to bring Jack to the next meeting. I did. But the priest from the parish spent 90 minutes talking about his new position in the parish. He was the ‘Go To Priest’ if seeking an annulment. NINETY MINUTES about how to go about an annulment and not a word about us or our wedding.

I was livid when we came out from that meeting. In fact I was ashamed of the RC Church.

Jack trying to lighten the mood said “Well if it does not work out, I know who will get me an annulment!” His wink, squeeze and hug soon brought me back to normal.

My Uncle was horrified for us. He said to leave it to him. In the next parish, the Parish Priest was actually a Bishop. My Uncle knew him well, and promised to have a chat with him. One conversation was all it took to sort everything out and my Uncle wrote and invited Jack’s minister to bring his robes on the day of the wedding and take part in the ceremony.

One phonecall!

Genuine care was all it took and genuine care for our LGBT friends and neighbours is what we need now.

If I had a vote in the South of Ireland’s Same-Sex Marriage Referendum Debate, in May, it would be…..


16 thoughts on “Same-Sex Marriage Referendum Debate

    1. Grannymar Post author

      Nancy, I have known too many people whose lives were ruined by trying to conform to the laws of the land on this issue. I have friends who even today are struggling with these issues and are disowned by their own families.

      Just because some people are different, it does not make them any less special.

  1. rummuser

    I could not agree more with the thrust of your post in leaving the civilian law to prevail as per majority approval and to leave the religious side out of it. I have close family members who are gay/lesbian and know quite what problems they face and I think that not understanding their problems is being inhuman and bigots should be called to leave them alone. There is a great debate going on here too with the Supreme Court having held the old colonial laws against homo-sexuality as being valid and implying that the legislature should change the law, but our law makers dithering.

    I had my brush with the RC church too when I was a young man and very much in love and eventually things worked out well for both of us. Perhaps these things happen to ensure that the eventual outcomes succeed.

    1. Grannymar Post author

      Unfortunately, Ireland was under the thumb of the RC Church for far too long and new cans of worms are being uncovered on a regular basis in recent years.

      Each and every one of us is unique, and should be allowed to develop to the best of our potential, and in this case,allowed to love and share life with those we love.

  2. maureen

    Well said Marie. Although there are still many narrow minds out there and people who are not comfortable with change, isn’t it amazing that this vote is even taking place. It wasn’t that long ago that gay/lesbians led secret lives or married and doomed both themselves and their spouses to unhappy lives. Although progress does seem slow it is happening and it makes me hopeful for the future.

    1. Grannymar Post author

      Maureen, slow and steady is better than no movement at all. I know of people who tried to conform to the law of the land, and married with disasterous results for themselves, their spouses and sometimes children too.

      Time for change!

  3. nick

    Some people are intent on inventing problems that don’t exist. As you say, a YES vote makes no difference to anything except engrained prejudices. Those who are so set against it should examine their own relentlessly negative thinking.

    1. Grannymar Post author

      Nick, it has to be ‘Yes’. A ‘No’ vote will only add more pain and bitterness and take us back to the last century.

  4. SchmidleysScribbling

    I’m really tired of these old farts. The proscription against same sex relationships is in the Old Testament, and Jesus said the Old Law is dead. I take this to mean Christians follow Christ. My “gay” granddaughter said to heck with them and became Unitarian.

  5. cedar51

    I’ve written about 10 replies but not posted – because it’s such a simple but complex issue. I couldn’t care two hoots what someone was/is doing in this arena – but of course we know those in “charge” always know better 🙂 – this will have to do as a reply…

    1. Grannymar Post author

      Cathy, your comment is fine. I at times, struggle to write a suitable comment on a blog post topic that I find edgy.

  6. wisewebwoman

    And isn’t it pathetic that these gay old farts flouncing around in their dresses have so much influence, still, on the population. I wish more would see the travesties they commit in the name of gawd.
    WE should have grown up enough by now to not even put this to a referendum.

    1. Grannymar Post author

      For the benefit of my LGBT friends, WWW is referring to misbehaving clergy! I too, look forward to the day when all are equal with no need for any referendum.


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