On a Wednesday morning I take an elderly friend out for coffee. We have an outing, our coffee, a walk or some retail therapy and often a chat with people we meet along our travels. My friend really looks forward to these days out, she never knows which direction we will take and loves to see the countryside from the passenger seat.
On Wednesday 20 January, I was preparing to go and collect my friend when my phone started to buzz. My friend was all apologetic, she would not be able to come out to play as she had fallen. Throwing my emergency bag into the boot/trunk of my car I went down to her house. She had fallen outdoors and landed on her right side, she was sure the pain was muscular. Taking one look at her trying to walk I was not inclined to agree. She was really uncomfortable and obviously in pain.
I suggested we go to the hospital and have it checked. I let that idea sink in.
Next I reminded her that since it was her right side that was sore, she would have to sit in the back of my car behind me (we drive on the left and the steering wheel is on the right). Taking it gently, I broached the subject that it might be a little more than muscular and getting into the back of the car might cause more injury. I let that sink in.
Then I said that if we went in my car, she would be considered a walk-in patient, having to go through triage and then perhaps sit for several hours on an upright hard chair with others falling over us (I paint a good word picture!). I let that sink in.
Finally I dropped the bombshell:
“You have worked all your life in nursing, given your all to the health service, now it is time for a little pay back. I think we should call an ambulance. Those guys will know how to move you without causing more pain, and they will wheel you straight through, avoiding the triage and hanging about for hours,” I let that sink in.
“Maybe you are right, it is really very painful” she admitted, handing me the phone.
So thus began a journey through three hospitals and a hip replacement. I am not her next of kin, but she made sure my name and contact number were added as the ‘person to contact’ in each of the hospitals.
I have never visited so many hospitals in such a short time before, but I felt I had a responsibility since I was the person who insisted, even if gently, that we go in the first place.
She returned home yesterday afternoon, tired, but glad to be in her own little palace and looking forward to sleeping in her own bed. I settled her in, we had a cup of coffee (well it was Wednesday!) and I offered to bring down some dinner. She is a very determined lady and said she wanted to see how she could manage on her own, but would I go through her freezer with her, and help pick out something she could manage for her meal. I did.
Carers were due to call in later in the day, so she was happy to let me go.
I will go down tomorrow with some fruit and fresh veg and see how she got on overnight.
Over the weeks my friend kept repeating that she would never be able to repay me for all my kindness.
My answer was:
In life we cross paths with so many people, some we can help in some way, while others might do us a favour. It is not always possible to return the favours… but we can pay them forward. I am paying forward for all the favours I have received over time and need no thanks.
Doing a favour for someone does not mean they must pay you back for the remainder of their lives. A simple thanks is enough.
Never neglect a Fall.
Never try to jump up immediately after you fall, to hell with embarrassment, you could do more damage that way.
Quite right. A few years ago, I broke my hand, one of the long bones through the palm. It took me a couple of days to realise that there was more than just bruising. I took myself up to the small local hospital, where they x-rayed it, took one look and whipped me off to the much larger hospital 60kms away. The x-ray revealed a bone tumour in one of my fingers. One little knock on that finger would have seen me lose it, the bone shattered beyond repair. The broken hand might have fixed itself in time, but the other thing wouldn’t. I don’t neglect painful and bruising damage any more…
Gosh Kate, that fall was really a blessing in disguise. You are like me,,, Listening to our bodies!
Wise words.
Thank you, Anne.
You are indeed a good friend……
Falling is the greatest fear we seasoned citizens have. I fell playing pickelball last week. Didn’t seem that bad at the time, but my elbow became severely bruised and there was a painful bump at one site. After a week my wife insisted I go to the doctor. It turned out to be nothing but a deep bone bruise but it gave us peace of mind. If you neglect things like this it can become serious arthritis in a few short years.
Your insistence that she check it out is ample proof of this.
It is always better to have things checked out and told there was no harm done, than neglect a real injury and make it worse.
Kudos to you. You are the friend we all could use more of. There are lots of nurses in the family and they all are the most stubborn about going to the doctor or hospital.
Falls are never something to take lightly. There was an excellent video (for caregivers, but anyone really) floating around, that showed proper ways to get up.
I must look out for that video, we can always learn something. The worst thing anyone can do is jump up before checking properly for damage.
I think this is much like the one I mentioned… https://youtu.be/4ETgQD8QhZs
Thank you Brighid, that is a very helpful video.
I told a co-worker recently who had been having some health issues to please reach out to me if needed. I know she has family but people hate to ask anyone anything for fear of being a bother. I reiterated this to a small group of my friends recently. We need and want to be there for each other as we grow older. Please do not hesitate to ask me and I promise to try to do the same.
Dawn, we all need to help each other as we age. I grew up as part of a large family and an even bigger extended family. We always seemed to have a patient in a bed and we helped mammy to fetch and carry for the patient and later I would bed-bath and wash the hair for the person in the bed. It never did me any harm and made me stronger for dealing with the difficulties of later life.
You are both a wise and a good friend.
Frank, I try to be.
So glad you were there, and thought it all through! I’m only 44 and if I fall I very much take stock before I jump up – even though I’m usually surrounded by younger men (including the hubby). I know I’m not as bouncy ans elastic as I used to be, dammit.
Spiders, I have lived alone for the past 18 years and had several falls in that time. Sometimes total strangers have gone out of their way to help me, yet one time I fell in the house and hurt my ankle, I dragged my self to the front door to see if there was anyone about to help me, I saw a neighbour and called him asking if by any chance he would drive me to the local hospital. He said “No, I am far to busy and there is no point in asking my wife she is busy too!” To make a long story short, I called a taxi, my ankle was not broken but badly sprained and bruised, my foot was put in a brace and I was given crutches and they called another taxi for me to go home.
That is horrible, I am so sorry your neighbours aren’t decent people. I have only one person in my estate that might need help, as he lives alone, and if he asked me? Sorry, but my job would understand if I was a bit late in. I will never be too busy to care. Breaks my heart. But bless yours for doing exactly what should have been done.
I do have a few good neighbours, but they were not around at the time to come to my aid. One young girl will check on me if she has not seen me for a few days and she keeps an eye on my house when I go away. She is pure gold dust to me.
What a wise and caring friend you are. I thought there must have been something going on, since you hadn’t posted in a while. You must be ready for a bit of a sit-down now yourself – that many hospitals is enough to make anyone tired.
I live in fear of my sister falling – she’ll be 88 in April. We were finally able to get a referral to a hip specialist last week. If I can keep her on her feet till April 1, she’ll have a new hip for her birthday and I’ll be able to relax just a bit. Hurrah!
Take care of yourself!
Chris S in Canada
A new pain free hip would be a wonderful birthday gift. I had one of mine replaced in 2009 and never looked back. It gave me a new lease of life.
The third and final reason for the lack of posting on my blog appears today, Friday 12 February.
Bless you GM, for seeing your friend through her ordeal. True friends are hard come by, yet you were there to the end. So glad that you are doing okay.
blessings ~ maxi
Maxi, there was no way I could leave my friend to fend for herself while in pain. My late mother would haunt me! My friend is home now and doing very well, though the tiredness hit in this afternoon. Thankfully she was sensible and rested in her chair for the afternoon.
How truly fortunate you have each other as I’m sure she would do the same for you. Like you, I honestly forget any kindness I might exhibit only to be reminded years later from those who benefitted. I only think of the kindnesses done to me for which I am so very grateful.
She is one lucky lady.
XO
WWW
Alas, she is rather frail, but would offer help if she thought it was needed. I dread to think the damage she could have done if we did not go to the hospital.
I read your blog about your bleeding episode and then said “I’m sure I saw about a fall” – I did so I’m back here…
my fall from grace that ended in broken wrist occurred out in my front driveway – but I am lucky because my front house neighbours have a business – my cries for help were answered… pillows and blankets as well until ambulance came…
I knew it wasn’t a sprain as my hand was in a position it wouldn’t normally be in but I didn’t realise how much trouble it was going to eventuate. Although the hand specialist went down the conservative way and it is better. What isn’t better is the medics diagnosising a whole raft of other problems with both hands…going to be having some tests to see exactly how bad and whether fixable… more than 6 decades after birth with said problems [well we will see…on matters]
Kate in the first comment, had an unusual tale to tell about a broken bone in her hand, and in the last two days, I have heard several horrendous stories about friends who had fallen or injured themselves. Scary stuff!
yep, I read Kate’s comment – I know with both my hand/ankle disabilities over the years there have been problems but I learnt to live them, I guess Mum said I should…
Great advice and a story that resonates. I have had first hand experience with both my parents having had falls and while one never did recover from the trauma, for the other, it was the beginning of a downward spiral of health issues that ultimately led to demise.
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