Yes. Thank you to everyone who sent good wishes, love and concern for me yesterday, as I fought another day in what I referred to as my ‘ ear war’ or in the long lonely months since July, struggling to swallow, clear my air passages, or hear and indeed to be heard. I am sure all the staff at my local health centre might have referred to me as their local ‘headcase’ when they saw me coming or heard my voice on the phone.
I must pay special tribute to my new neighbours, who, when I went to ask them to keep a watchful eye on my house, if I was admitted to the hospital ward, insisted on driving me over to the hospital. Robert even wanted to carry my overnight bag and sit and wait with me until I was seen. Sandra came to collect me when I was finished for the day and released. She told me that Robert had tears in his eyes when he came home, having left me all alone at the door of the hospital, to fend for myself.
Your love and concern helped me as I played the waiting game between doctors and Consultants yesterday. The online bantering certainly helped.
Arvind, all the way over in Bengaluru/Bangalore, India, told me to “Cheer up. Relax. Uncross all the fingers, toes and whatever…”. They were just the words I needed to put my problem into perspective.
My loss of perspective came to a head last week, the antibiotics were increased to the highest level that could be safely given as an outpatient. My ‘Urgent’ ENT appointment had a SIX Month waiting list… For five days I was unable to get out of my pjs, except to wash down as far as possible, up as far as possible and… not forget ‘possible’!
My hobby of crochet & knitting evaporated, there were days when I awoke in the chair with the needles still in my hand, and nothing to show for it. I was sleeping for 80% of my days. Over four of those days I did not hear a living voice, I had no desire to hear a voice or need to make a reply. Over the past months those who did phone, were concerned about me, The questions were all the same, I was sounding like a broken record repeating and repeating the same words, hearing no news from outside my four walls. My problems grew to fill my space. Boring bigtime.
Back to yesterday,
On my way home from my GP to pick up my overnight bag, which is always packed, I met a friend on the street. We greeted each other with the usual genuine warm smiles, this time we were both wearing our ‘street faces’. She asked how I was, my reply was “Don’t ask! I have been with my GP and am now on my way to A&E, so hopefully next I see you, I will have some news”. I followed up with “No need to worry, I am not pregnant!”.
Asking how she was, I learned that she was just home from England and a visit to her mother. Her brother died… it came slowly… He was missing for three days before his body was found. I asked no questions, I still have all my siblings, so had no idea of how she was feeling inside, but I could empathise with her.
My problems were minuscule!
PS: This is not a pity me post. It is yet another example of perspective. Stay at home and the problem grows to fill your space. Go outside and you soon learn that others carry a far heavier burden.