Time to get boisterous, noistrous, and loud!

With thanks to www.Themotivationhotel.com

The other day my neighbour came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy. I thought, what the heck, and I starting jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “Sally, I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant!

I knew that she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said, “There’s more.”

I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have twins Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew.

She said… “That was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!”

A little boy opened the big family Bible.

He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it.

What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.

“Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out.

“What have you got there, dear?”

With astonishment in the young boy’s voice, he answered:

“I think it’s Adam’s underwear!” 

∇

∇

Thank you Ramana for this weeks little tale>

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day, their passions overcame them in the office and they took off for her house. Exhausted from the afternoon’s activities, they fell asleep and awoke at around 8 p.m.

As the man threw on his clothes, he told the woman to take his shoes outside and rub them through the grass and dirt. Confused, she nonetheless complied and he slipped into his shoes and drove home.

“Where have you been?” demanded his wife when he entered the house.

“Darling,” replied the man, “I can’t lie to you. I’ve been having an affair with my secretary. I fell asleep in her bed and didn’t wake up until eight o’clock.”

The wife glanced down at his shoes and said, “You liar! You’ve been playing golf!”

♣

♣

Thank you Ian, only a golfer would send this to me!

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour.

Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying.

The truck driver says, “Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I’ll buy you another drink. I just can’t stand to see a man cry.”

“No, it’s not that,” the man replies, wiping his tears, “This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life,…

you show up & drink my poison.”

#

#

Thanks to Robert, for this snifter of poison.

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the kids what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess.

The dad said, “Well it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes.”

The little girl screamed to her brother,

“Don’t eat it. Its an asshole!

X
O
X

Thank you Frank, I hope you have had a word with your wife!