Tag Archives: Thursday Specials

Thursday Special ~ Best Use of a Pumpkin Patch

 

Willy retired from his job and bought a pumpkin patch. He thought that he could make more money from chickens than the previous owner made from pumpkins, so he went to a poultry farm and bought 50 chickens.

’50 is a lot of chickens for that little pumpkin patch,’ commented the proprietor.

‘I am used to big business’ Willy replied.’

A week later Willy was back at the farm.

‘I need another 50 chickens,’ he said.

‘Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming,’ the poultry farmer told him.

‘Oh yes,’ Willy replied. ‘It’ will be Ok if I can just iron out a few problems.’

‘Problems?’, asked the farmer.

‘Yeah,’ replied the Willy, ‘I think I planted that first batch too close together.’

♦  

Happy Halloween to one and all, especially PP, who sent this tale to me.

Thursday Special ~ Two Pumpkins

Thursday Special ~ Two pumpkins

One day two pumpkins, who were best friends, were walking together down the street. They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over.

The uninjured pumpkin called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured pumpkin was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery.

After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. He told the uninjured pumpkin, “I have good news, and I have bad news.

The good news is that your friend is going to pull through.”

The bad news is…..

He’s going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life.

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Thank you Frank for this timely little number.

 

Thursday Special ~ BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…

A man was walking home alone one night when he heard a “BUMP….BUMP….BUMP…” behind him. Walking faster, he looked back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the middle of the street towards him….”BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…”

The man began to run toward his home, and the coffin bounced after him faster….faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP.

He ran up to his door, fumbled with his keys, opened the door, rushed in, and locked it behind him. The coffin crashed through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP…BUMP…BUMP… on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushed upstairs to the bathroom and locked himself in, heart pounding.

With a CRASH, the coffin broke down the door, coming slowly toward him. The man while screaming, reached for something, anything….all he can find was a box of cough drops which he hurled at the coffin…and suddenly “the coffin stops.”

Thanks to Noreen for this scary tale.

Thursday Special ~ 10 Ghosty Q’s

Q: What do ghosts eat for supper?
A: Spooketi

Q: What do you do when 50 zombies surround your house?
A: Hope it’s Halloween!!

Q: What is the most important subject a witch learns in school?
A: Spelling.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to school?
A: His heart wasn’t in it.

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
A: He didn’t have any guts!

Q: Why didn’t the skeleton go to the ball?
A: Because he had no BODY to go with.

Q: What do you call a fat pumpkin?
A: A plumpkin.

Q: What room does a ghost not need?
A: A living room!

Q: Why are ghosts so bad at lying?
A: Because you can see right through them!

Q: Who did Frankenstein take to the dance?
A: His “ghoul” friend!

Thanks to Paddy for these rib ticklers.

 

Thursday Special ~ Don’t distract the driver….

A passenger in a taxi leaned over to ask the driver a question and tapped him on the shoulder. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb, and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window.

For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, and then the still shaking driver said, ‘I’m sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me.’

The frightened passenger apologized to the driver and said he didn’t realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much.

The driver replied, ‘No, no, I’m sorry, it’s entirely my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab……………….

I’ve been driving a hearse for the last 25 years.’

An oldie. It has the mark of Frank on it.

Thursday Special ~ Proverbs

 

Today for a change, I share some old Irish Proverbs:

‘For every mile of road there’s two miles of ditches’
Meaning: The are two sides to every story. (This comes from some parts of Ireland, where ‘ditches’ means hedges.

‘There’s no use boiling your cabbage twice’
Meaning: Stop going over and over worries in your head because it solves nothing.

‘The older the fiddle the sweeter the tune’
Meaning: Things and people improve over time.

‘A woman planted feathers in the dunkel* and thought she’d grow hens’
Meaning: Just because you ‘thought’ something would work doesn’t mean you were right.

It’s often that a man’s mouth broke his nose
Meaning: Watch what you say because it could get you in trouble.

As the old cock crows the young cock learns
Meaning: Children learn by example.

If there was work in the bed he’d sleep on the floor
Meaning: Used to describe people who are very lazy.

No need to fear the ill wind when your haystacks are tied down
Meaning: Once you’ve prepared properly than there’s no need to worry the outcome.

The longest road out is the shortest road home
Meaning: If you invest time and effort into something then it will pay off in the latter end.

You’ll arrive back with one arm as long as the other
Meaning: You heading out on a thankless quest. You’ll arrive back with nothing to show for it.

You’ll never plough a field by turning it over in your mind
Meaning: Merely thinking about something won’t get it done.

He didn’t lick it off a stone
Meaning: People actions are influenced by those around them.

What I’m afraid to hear I had better say first myself
Meaning: One must be honest and wary of their own shortcomings.

I wouldn’t call the Queen my aunt
Meaning: Being in such a contented mood that even becoming royalty couldn’t improve upon it.

Now you know you’re home
Meaning: You’re in a happy state.

It’s a long road there’s no turn in
Meaning: No matter how bad the situation is things always change.

An empty sack does not stand
Meaning: Bluffers and ignorance will always be found out.

Even black hens lay white eggs
Meaning: You should never judge a book by its cover.

 

*dunkel – in the dark.

I wonder how many of them you agree with?